Back pain and sick kids sent my self-discipline flying out the window.  To be expected, I suppose, but now I’m struggling to refresh the vigor and excitement I was feeling a week ago.

Having done very little for the past few days, today’s to-do list quickly outgrew its allocated space.  And then, instead of finishing the project I’d already started – reorganizing the big closet in the laundry room – I started a new project – organizing nine years’ worth of photos.

I stopped myself just in time to leave a huge pile of Snapfish and Lifetouch envelopes scattered all over the dining room table.  I took a look at my to-do list and got a few things done… and now find myself again wandering from one task to the next with no real direction.  A moment ago, I even caught myself staring at the grime on my wedding ring.

The good news is that writing a blog post is on my list of “dires” for the day, since I haven’t been so hot about posting these last couple of weeks.  So I can sit here and write about my lack of direction and actually be able to cross something off of my list when I’m done.

If I can focus for long enough to finish, edit, and actually post this puppy.

Maybe I should just stop here?

No, I’d really like to say something meaningful.  I’m just not sure what.

Maybe I should share that I recognized (or remembered) another flaw in myself over the last few days.  Pain makes me irritable and short tempered.  My poor children must feel like they’re living with Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde (I’m sure I’ve mispelled at least one of those, but if I go look it up I’ll get distracted again so please just accept the fact that I’ve never read the book and don’t know the spelling.).

Or perhaps I should write about the power of offering up our pain for special prayer intentions – when we actually remember to do that instead of just whining and moaning that it hurts and we can’t do anything.

Certainly I should be thinking about how God offers me this pain as a much needed opportunity to grow.

I could write about how sweet my kids are when mama’s in pain.  The Dude has given me countless spontaneous hugs over the last few days, and Boo came to me twice and said, “Mommy, your back hurt?  I kiss it.”  She then proceeded to kiss my belly.

But I’m not going to write about any of those things because I waited too long to sit down at my desk, and must go get the kids from the bus stop in a few minutes.

The good news is that – thank God – the kids are healthy again and my back is at least 97%.  Is it perverse that I am kind of wishing I could have the pain back so that I can handle it better this time?


photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

3 comments on “Aimless
  1. Stephanie says:

    Oh my dear friend. Sorry you have suffered. Glad things are getting back to “normal” (whatever that is) and your tackling your to do list. I have to say I find your post very uplifting and gave me such relief. Don’t get me wrong, I dislike that you and family were all but your best, but from my point of view you are Momma Elite. You know the kind of Mom that is like a SuperWoman. Your do crafts with your kids, you cook healthy meals, your involved in your church and Mom’s Group, your strong in faith, your a great friend, mother and wife and the list goes on…
    I find it somewhat comforting that my example of SuperMom also sometimes gets distracted, short tempered and out of sorts. You know I can’t even keep a train of thought is a darn squirel bounces past.
    Thanks for showing me your human side, but you still are SuperWoman to me.
    Miss ya!

    • stephanie says:

      Steph K, you gave me a good laugh. It looks like I’ve been successful at putting on the appearance of a great mom – especially if one of my dearest friends believes it! The whole purpose of this blog is to be “honest” about what life is really like, and trust me when I say that I am far from perfect. I just tend to hide my imperfections when I’m in front of friends and acquaintances. My children and my hubby know the truth – that I am in the infancy of overcoming a lifetime’s bad habits and imperfections (OK, serious flaws). My impatience and my temper are my greatest flaws, I think, and while I’m making great progress, I am still very much a work-in-progress. You are SuperWoman in my eyes, my friend, and I love you.

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